Hello Mara ♣ McBain,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


I liked this story. The main character’s beliefs came across very well, and it was poignant that she didn’t change her mind at the end, despite her foster mother’s strong faith, despite everything the pastor said. It was clear why she had those beliefs; she had seen enough bad things in her life to feel she had the right to be angry with this god who did nothing to save the people she loved. Her struggles were compelling and for me, it was easy to identify with her conflict and see where she was coming from with her opinion.

The structure worked well to push the story towards the climax and that one, sad line at the end. You told the readers enough about her backstory to understand her convictions, and the story unfolded at a good pace, revealing more and more about what had happened that had led the character to her foster mother’s bedside. The pastor played an important part to make her realise that it wasn’t her own wishes that were important at that moment but her foster mother’s, and push her reservations aside.

The dialogue sounded very natural. It was easy to imagine the conversation with the pastor and the main character’s anger and fear at the situation and at what she believed to be an intrusion. You told some of the story through the dialogue which was nicely done to further the plot.

I loved some of the phrases you used, in fact there were a few I wish I had written. The ‘cloak of peace’ in the first paragraph was one of them; just a little aside but it fit the scene well. Another one I really liked was when she was ‘rolling her eyes toward the ceiling to stall fresh tears’ which I thought was excellent. You didn’t describe the setting in great detail but it wasn’t necessary; most readers will be familiar with this kind of environment in some form.

I didn’t notice any grammatical errors; the story was very polished. Overall, I thought this was a great read!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .