Hello fyn,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


This was a very interesting character! It was easy to relate to his struggle and the way he explained his decision and the journey that followed. His story was unusual, not only the details of the accident but the way he came to his senses years later. It was clear how this changed, or shaped, his beliefs. What I particularly liked was that you also showed how he tried to change his life because of it. He hadn’t completed everything he wanted by the time he told this story, but I guess that was part of the reason for telling it.

The beginning of the story threw me for a moment. Not only do you start in the middle of a conversation, but it seems to be half way through a thought as well. You then followed up by introducing ‘his younger brother’ before saying who ‘he’ was, and it increased my confusion. I figured out later (or think I did) that this might have been a transcript of a recording that began at that point, but for me, it didn’t work as the beginning of the story; it confused me instead of drawing me into it. Other than that, the structure and the almost-monologue, with the poem in the middle, worked well to get the story across. It sounded natural for the situation; he didn’t seem to make excuses for his decisions and mistakes, he simply told his brother (and the readers) what they were and how they came about.

The conversation with Jinn was excellent. Until then, you told the story mainly through the narrative and this bit of dialogue was nicely done to break it up. The descriptions were good and I could imagine the scenes, both the frame with the old man telling his story, and the events he described.

Technically, the story was spot on. I might have noticed one typo (did you mean ‘finance’ or ‘fiancée’ in the third paragraph?) but other than that the story was very polished and flowed well. Overall, this was a great read.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .