Hello DJGRIFWRITES,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


The beginning of a story is always a good place to start a review, and I have to say, that first line was excellent. You had my attention straight away; it worked really well to draw the reader into the story even if at that point, you hadn’t said a word about the narrator, but the essence of the story was already clear. And the rest of it didn’t disappoint. Both characters’ views on faith came across well. The uncle was an interesting character; he had his positive experiences which he cherished, but negative ones as well. In the end, his last sentence was poignant and must have been hard for the narrator to hear. She did her best to persuade him and her conflict was compelling. She only wanted the best for her uncle and it hurt her deeply that he didn’t believe like she did.

It worked that the uncle explained some of his beliefs by telling his niece how he met her aunt, even if it was perhaps not the strongest story. As a formative experience, I found it a little weak, although perhaps it doesn’t have to be more.

I like stories where a lot of it is told through dialogue, and that was the case here. It sounded natural, but in the middle part where it was only dialogue, it almost got a bit too much. I would have liked to see a few actions as well. For me, it would have worked better had the characters reacted to what the other person was saying other than with words; a few gestures, facial expressions to convey what they were feeling would have been enough. Having said that, it was always clear who was speaking and the dialogue certainly did advance the plot at that point.

The setting was clear since it was a hospital room, so not much description was required to make the readers imagine it. I liked how you described the narrator’s anxiety at the beginning, especially the line where she said how she had no recollection what they talked about before she asked her question; that was nicely done.

The story was polished – I spotted one typo but other than that, I didn’t notice any errors. Overall, this was a good read.





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .