Hello, and good afternoon. It's cloudy here today.

Here's the review that you requested, a little earlier than I expected. The message was clear and there were few techinical errors, so I rated the piece with four stars. Again, here's a link to my policies: "Bobbi's Rating and/or Reviewing Policy" .

As you mentioned, you added some links in the piece that refer to your results of the Google search that was used for this item. It is my understanding that the powers that be frown upon inserting outside links in general on this site, but that is something that might be just in forums. You may want to get some outside input on that, because I'm not sure what the policy is. In any case, if you do want or need to take them out simply labeling the website titles without making them a link will get the point across just the same.


The typos and grammar issues I caught were as follows:

“5 steps to” and see how many results you get.. I'm not sure if this is an incomplete ellipses or an extra period, but either way it should be revised.

gave me 149,000,000 in 0.11 seconds to “steps to”(.) There's a missing period, which I put in parenthesis to make it easier to see.

And I only counted one exclamation point in this piece. Good Job!


A few things I noticed as a reader:

This piece reminds me of sermons or religious articles from church newsletters that offer life guidance from a Christian viewpoint. It is clear what the message is and seeks to offer inspiration to those who are turning to self-help to find meaning or direction in their lives.

What I can advise is to expand it and give it color. Sermons often have anecdotes and stories to illustrate the week's message. Direct bible quotes are often used, too. It looks like you have one in here, but it's not labeled. (" His instructions were to “seek first the kingdom of GOD and all these things will be added unto you.”) You can 'link' this by stating where this is in the Bible. ('Somebook 11:56 says that his instructions...' I'm sorry, I don't know personally what verse you used. )

You have a good premise here, and I can really appreciate this message that life cannot be fixed in five easy steps (kind of a 180 turn from your last piece). It can really shine when you add something more, a bit of imagination that shows, and doesn't tell, the why and the how you want to convey.

One more thing I want to add. A little writing inspiration quote, because I like quotes:

         "I re-wrote the ending to 'A Farewell to Arms,' the last page of it, thirty-nine times before I was satisfied with it." --Ernest Hemingway

Good writing happens in the re-write, so don't get discouraged if it takes a while. Good writing often does.

Again, thank you for allowing me to review your piece. I'm just another reader and writer so use or discard any of my suggestions at your personal discretion. If you make changes and would like me to reassess your piece for a higher rating, feel free to e-mail me.

Keep writing and keep improving!

--Brandi