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 Review #4214717 |
 | Happy Birthday Sweetie  [E] This is a section of a story I am working on.  |
| (4.0)| Hi Olivia17 It's been a pleasure to review your "Happy Birthday Sweetie" on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" .My review is just my opinion.  Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  Overall impression?What dragged me into your writing when I noticed it 'Read a Newbie' public page was not the title but brief description and genres. I first thought this is going to be more gruesome but then it turned out as if I was just watching some '911' episode on the TV. You mentioned that this is part of the story you're working on and I'm kind of satisfied with where you're going with it. I'm not sure how complicated it's going to be later because your title confuses me a little. I feel as if the child want to tell a story to the police or something. It's uncertain but I like the whole idea and I can't really tell more because I don't know what you're up to. Suggestions?While you have basic idea of the story your writing style is not really something I'd praise. Pardon me because I don't know how old are you, nor I know where you're going with this, but to me now, like I said above, it looks like a child is telling the story to the police after his parents were murdered. Your writing has that childish voice, at least in this part. If you're planning to turn this into a novel or something I'd suggest to you to work more on the sound of it. Try to read it after you put it down on the paper and see how your choice of the words sounds like. Please be reminded that is just my opinion and how I felt while reading your work  . Things I liked the most?I think you are doing great when it comes about description of situation you're in. I could easily imagine myself there so that's definitely a big plus for you as a writer. It would be easy probably to fix some tech issues and grammar but you can't really fix if someone doesn't have ability to create images in reader's head and you for sure are master of description and there's nothing really to be fixed on this field within your writing. Thank you so much for sharing your work . Advice for newbies On the left side of your portfolio there are 'Browse by type' and 'Browse by genre' tabs. Whenever you get the chance click to any of these and see what's going on around the site, read the others and check out some contests and activities that we have here. Under 'Browse by type' tab you will find forums items. It will show you list of all contests and activities when you click to it. Find the one that suits you the most or try yourself in something new. By entering contests you'll improve your own writing and you'll meet other mindlike people. Review the others in return. Reviewing is great way to improve your own writing skills and you will also spotlight your own writing portfolio here in Writing.Com by getting involved within community. Check out Guidelines To Great Reviewing from Writing.Com 101 ~Minja~ Founder of "Invalid Item" Resident host at "Invalid Item"  Be courageous and try to write in a way that scares you a little  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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