Okay, I can see why everyone loved this. It's actually really well done. I've seen "poets" here who do a far worse job with rhyming and rhythm, and they are trying they're absolute hardest. Seems to me like you're a natural (no, not "au naturel" ) poet if this is the first you've ever done.

The word choice is perfect for a comedy piece. The flow is smooth for the most part. It's easy to read and doesn't have random hiccups all over the place where the tongue wont say what's on the page. There are just a few places where the rhythm could be tighter. For instance:

"As Martin walked down the sidewalk and slurped from his cup"

vs

"As Martin strolled the sidewalk and slurped from his cup"

That is a small liberty to take... you would certainly use "down" if it was prose, but in poetry, it's fine to make little concessions like that for the rhythm. Now, insert my line into the poem instead of yours, and you will hear the difference. Still, it's only a beat or so off... and lots of poetry writers have such trouble with rhythm that... You seriously have an ear for it.

Also, the rhymes are very nicely done. The rhyme scheme works well for a humorous poem, and I appreciate that it's not all "I/sky/fly" and "you/do/blue" type of rhymey-rhymes. That drives me insane. "Prayer/hair" is excellent near or slant-rhyme. "Feel/chamomile" is another really REALLY good rhyme. I never write in rhyme because I'm not good at it. You are quite good at it, apparently.

So yeah... this is a funny poem for sure, but you're NOT a bad poet. If this is your first poem ever, you are quite the opposite. You might just have a latent talent that you knew nothing about. Something to explore if you ever feel the urge, hmm?






My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .