Hello Gabby B . Welcome to WDC. I'm Charlie. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. I hope this review finds you well. Let me know if you need a hand with learning the site.


Title/General Thoughts/Subject Matter: Well, that took a turn for the worst, didn't it? I like the image you chose to represent this poem and I thought the title along with description were nice too. It has a sweet vibe to it and amps the reader up for a romantic poem, which is pretty much what I thought for the majority of the poem. I'm pretty sure that's was your intended effect on the reader too, so bravo there.


What Worked: I definitely liked the delve into something other than just a dude describing a girl he likes. At first I thought it was fairly sweet and then it just kept getting more and more detailed. At some point, I thought this dude is really obsessed with this girl. How right I was. I also liked the repetition of the first two lines at the end, drawing us back to the beginning. Good idea!


Technical Issues/Suggestions: As far as grammatical things, I thought a lot of these descriptions needed hyphens.

Delicate, blemish free face
blemish-free face

Clear, light colored eyes
light-colored eyes

One thing I can suggest for this poem is that you give away hints of something amiss earlier on. A slower burn would be ideal for the reader experience instead of just having the last few lines indicate the reality of the situation. I'm not saying to give away the end in the beginning, obviously, but just a line or two even toward the middle that indicated something sinister.


Final Thoughts: It was interesting to get a poem like this from the guy's perspective instead of the girl's. I think it's interesting the way you wove the story together. Thanks again for sharing, and don't hesitate to ask if you have any questions around the site!


Best wishes,




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .