Hello Lavender.Honey . Welcome to WDC. I'm Charlie. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. I hope this review finds you well. Let me know if you need help learning the site!


Title/General Thoughts/Subject Matter: I would definitely consider giving this one a better title. Even a poem that speaks for itself deserves a title. Thing of it like a band whose songs are titled “Untitled 1”, “Untitled 2” and so on. It’s not… creative? Just something to consider if you edit this poem at some point.


What Worked: I thought the comparison of tears to vodka was good. We think of tears as stinging and vodka also burns when it goes down. It’s similar enough that you can draw a comparison there and the reader can draw a conclusion from that in terms of the general mood and tone of the poem. I liked the emotional impact of the last two lines. It’s something that the narrator doesn’t want to do, but feels they must do for whatever reason.


Technical Issues/Suggestions: In the last two lines:

"Just one more",
I choke again.
The comma should be in front of the end quotations rather than behind it.

I’m a little bit confused about what you’re talking about in this poem in terms of the vodka/tears bit. I thought that it was just a comparison- tears to vodka, but then the narrator talks about “just one more.” Is there literal vodka or are they tears? If they’re tears, then “just one more” what?


Final Thoughts: This poem had a strong emotional punch, but might be better suited with a bit more clarity on the last two lines. The beginning makes it sound like the narrator is just crying and comparing that to vodka. The ending implies that the narrator is actually drinking. Thanks again for sharing with us!


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .