Hello! I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.


Favorite Aspects

The message here is crystal clear and laid out well. It's a short piece, but sometimes short and simple works well.

Language / Word Choice

Stares withhold what? I'm pretty sure that "Stares withheld, but never seen" would make more sense, but even then, the meaning of this line isn't clear from the words. I imagine that it's supposed to be akin to "we may stare, but we don't see each other" or something similar. That isn't what it says though. I would give this line another look.

"In between" is a double preposition. You don't need both... just choose one. "Between" means the exact same thing as "In between" in this case... so just use "between".

Flow / Rhythm

The third line is a bit awkward for the flow. Removing "in" would help with this as well.

Imagery

There isn't any. Really... none at all. It's a shame, since imagery adds to the uniqueness of a poem. As an idea, this poem is perfectly clear but not very creative or original. Imagery could help make it distinct.

Effect

Overall, I think this is an alright draft. It has some issues, but it's a fine start!




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .