Hello! I am the poetry judge for the "Invalid Item" . I try to provide each entry with some feedback. This review is for your benefit only and does not necessarily have implications for placement in the contest, as it is not a comparison with any other entry.

Language / Word Choice / Structure

"It tries / and prepares itself to toss off" - This is awkward in meaning as well as phrasing. The reuse of "itself" is ill-advised. You just used it, so this sounds repetitive. The compound predicate is weird though. It tries itself. It prepares itself. Only one of those works. "It tries / to prepare" works better, but really... both 'it tries' and 'it prepares' are filler here. It doesn't need to try, prepare, and toss. It would be stronger if it just tossed it.

There are other instances of filler in here as well. Saying things simply will not only be more effective for the reader, but it might help correct any awkwardness in the flow.

The enjambment of "The / returning" is a bit weak. It places too much emphasis on "the".

Flow / Rhythm

The flow for this piece is a bit rough. I love the enjambment use in this acrostic, as that is a bit unusual and interesting. But if the flow doesn't work, then the enjambment isn't super successful.

Just the first line alone is a bit wonky. "At times, disguising itself as the first" is pretty awkward. Those words don't slip easily off the tongue. It tripped me up each time I read it. I recommend setting the poem aside for a while and then reading it aloud. If you stumble over the words, other readers probably will too.

Effect

The imagery here is alright. There isn't much of it, considering the subject, but there's no need to add it. Nature imagery just for the sake of imagery would be boring. The flow is where I would focus my revisions. Correcting the flow would require fixing any awkward phrasing and whatnot, and that is the piece's biggest problem. Just... the difficulty in reading a line without tripping over something. I do LOVE the idea though. That enjambment could be so cleverly done. Good luck with future revisions!





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .