Hello Steev the Friction Wizurd . I'm Charlie. I'm reviewing this story as part of "a very Wodehouse challenge" . Thanks for sharing your writing with us. I hope this review finds you well.


Title/General Thoughts/Subject Matter: Steev! I'm having so much trouble giving this story a low rating, even though I know I'm supposed to for the Intentionally Bad Writing Contest. I seriously laughed so much reading this. But you're right, it was intentionally bad and I guess you succeeded there. Gary Stu and Mary Sue- still a better love story than Twilight.


What Worked: Is this all backwards now? What worked would be what didn't work for a good story, right? This is all so confusing! Okay, well, my favorite part by far:

"My God, Gary!" she said. "We're having a baby! Compatibility is no longer an issue. This child needs a father! I need a husband! Are you going to step up to the plate and bat like a pro or are you going to duck and cover?"

"Let's get married!" Gary said.

I laughed so endlessly. Best wedding proposal ever. Nothing like a good verbal berating to start off a good marriage!

Also loved this part:

"How do you do?" said Gary Stu.

"How do you do what?" said Mary Sue.


Hahha.

I got way too much entertainment out of this.

Technical Issues/Suggestions: Oh wait, I have to suggest things? Am I supposed to suggest how to make it WORSE? I guess if you took all of the humor out, it would be worse and definitely deserving of one-star. Really, I loved this piece. There were a couple grammatical things in it, like splitting "girlfriend" into two words and things like that, but I don't know how important that is to a story like this, you know?


Final Thoughts: I wish you the best of luck with the contest. I didn't read the other entries, but I think you have a good contender for intentionally bad writing here. Thanks again for sharing you work with us and giving me a chance to review!


Best wishes,

You responded to this review 05/24/2016 @ 3:22pm EDT

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