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Review #4221644
Viewing a review of:
 Priapus, a new app from Facebook.  [E]
A young couple embark on becoming parents in the new age.
by logicalnoise
Review by Nixie
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi logical. Nixie, here.


Welcome to WDC from
*BalloonR* "Newbie Welcome Wagon" !*BalloonR*


While talk of manipulating gene therapy is not uncommon, a *Facebook* app to design a child was hilarious.

What results were in? The couple is creating a child for the first time. At least that was my perception, further emphasized by child0001 and child0002 in the conclusion. Were the results something else?

No setting was specified, but it was easy to imagine the couple sitting in a living room or across from each other at a kitchen table. Similarly, the mostly dialogue-driven plot was not a hindrance. I had a clear impression of the couple's relationship because the dialogue was well done. *Checkg*

You kept me grinning as the 'scientific' perplexities were described. Toning down an OCD affliction by upping the serotonin receptors didn't sound logical to me. But I wasn't too distracted as the other options were shown. Oh, good grief, planning for parties? Too funny.

*Idea*A few suggestions

The parkers giggled
The Parkers giggled

to aid in it’s growth.
its growth, not the contraction it is.

planning for events and parties and there is even a option to negate the whole process entirely, ask your representative about it.
This sentence would benefit from some editing. I would suggest ending the sentence after parties. The next sentence is quite different from the other options. Consider tacking it on somewhere else, so you can keep the necessary element to complete the plot. Also, where did 'ask your rep' come from? No one is speaking or reading from what I can glean. Maybe italics to show it's a thought?

I fell a bit behind with the intelligence part in the last section. Wouldn't all parents just want the best option? Or just because the child has the ultimate mind doesn't mean it would be outstanding in other areas of development. Maybe I'm the only one who needed a bit more expansion on that part.

I was wondering how Priapus would be pronounced. As its spelled?

You slayed the conclusion. Nicely done!

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