Hello WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 . Welcome to WDC! I'm Charlie. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. I hope this review finds you well.


Title/General Thoughts/Subject Matter: I was intrigued by this title and the image of the phone, so I read the story. I thought it was an interesting idea, falling in love with this voice over the phone and then setting up a date with the person behind it. There are so many things you could do with just that set-up, so that's a great prompt to work with!


What Worked: The characters seemed natural and honest. I felt the apprehension of the main character and how uncommon it was for her to make a leap like this and ask a stranger out on a date. It seems like she's a little bit self-conscious about her age and is afraid of putting herself out there. I love how her mind runs ahead of her with all the possibilities of the night. It seemed like what most people would be feeling in this situation. I liked her panic as she ran around cleaning the place just in case and buying flowers.


Technical Issues/Suggestions: Some things I noticed:

"How old are you anyway", my voice sounded funny. The punctuation should go inside the quotation marks when dealing with dialogue. Also, because the second part is disconnected and not just, 'I said' or whatever, 'my voice sounded funny' should be its own sentence. So, "How old are you anyway?" My voice sounded funny. This happens throughout the story.

We exchanged cell numbers, set a date for the next morning and I hang up the phone. Another issue that pops up a few times. This sentence has a verb tense switch in the middle. It goes from past tense (exchanged) to present tense (set a date, hang up).

The content rating might be a little off for this piece. Here is information on how to set the content for an item and what qualifies as E-rated: "Content Rating System (CRS)" . The fact that sex is referenced at the end would automatically bump up the rating from E.

Speaking of the end, it was a bit... strange, to me. It seemed so random to me that the kid was a paraplegic in a wheelchair. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I just felt like I was missing something. It seemed like that was supposed to be the climax of the story, but I don't really see why. I guess what I'm saying is, why does it matter that he's in a wheelchair and what makes that important to the story? Is it that she thought he was perfect by his voice and then she finds out he's in a wheelchair? Like, a reverse and blind 'don't just a book by it's cover' thing? I'm clueless.


Final Thoughts: Overall, I think the character development was the strongest part of this story. I felt like I could relate to the main character and her anxieties. There's room for an improvement with the grammar in the story and the ending itself appears to be a bit lost on me. Thanks again for sharing!


Best wishes,





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .