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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4226947
Review #4226947
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         Review for entry/chapter: "Invalid Entry" 
Review by ~Minja~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: GC | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Charlie ~
It's been a pleasure to review your "Invalid Entry"  on behalf of "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 
My review is just my opinion.


*Starb* Overall impression?

Oh.. I've found another poem with brackets. This one is amusing though. Like I mentioned in a comment I love the opening line. Teeth like a chainsaw? so awesome. I only can assume if his teeth really looked that sharp or that was a metaphor to raging mouth or something. I understood he bored you a little here so it also makes sense to me. Those line that are within brackets sounds really good when I read it out loud. They are also additional thoughts to other lines in a poem and are super funny to me. (for some reason) sounds like you'd shrug on Mr.Walker's talk and (I don't) sounds like whatever. I've started to read that Hoagland book I got and I think this poem can easily be Hoagland's work.

The last part of the poem is nice capturing of a moment. I don't know what you mean when you say: I praise myself for wearing black today but I found it related to this morbid situation and talk with Mr.Walker. The last two lines killed me literally and probably killed you as well when he finally left you alone.

The whole poem reads very well to me and I have no idea if anyone would have suggestion for improvement here. You captured the moment exceptionally well. Thank you for sharing your writing with me. All smiles.. *Smile*

~Minja~
Founder of "WdC Kind Hearts" 
Resident host at "Once Upon a Jane Austen Activity" 
*Pencil* Be courageous and try to write in a way that scares you a little *Pencil*
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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/20/2016 @ 12:55pm EDT
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