Wow! This is an interesting and moving tale! It feels like an old fashioned wisdom teaching. It evoked sadness for the man and yet hope at the end where love returns. Awesome.

The free style suits the theme and I appreciate the pattern of sentence structures with the repetitions. It really works in building the drama.

It flowed easily as I read aloud and I notice you did not use punctuation. The only tricky part in my reading was in the second last line. I feel that some commas in the phrases would clarify it quickly. I had to reread to understand the drift.
eg. after "however," and "died". I also wanted to say "had gained".

I liked reading the last line and the well chosen words to convey the image. It was inspiring! I would move "yes...in each...family" to its own line to make it shorter and more appealing on the page.

Thanks for sharing your vision! It does indeed complement your first piece!

You responded to this review 06/22/2016 @ 10:59pm EDT

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