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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4227749
Review #4227749
Viewing a review of:
Black Heart  [E]
Beloved pet euthanasia
by Mare ~ extended hiatus
Review of Black Heart  
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC Mare! Your poem popped up on random reads. I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


The title was intriguing and I figured it would have a dark theme. How sad that you had to put you precious pet to sleep. I hope it was to ease suffering, but it is still hard.

You have expressed the experience in a potent short poem with vivid image and vocabulary that gets the points across truthfully and briefly. Like exhaling!
The first line tugs at the heart to think about as the needle comes close. Kinda creepy too.

I wondered about the verbs and subjects. Does the first line mean "I gaze..."?
I assume the pet "exhale" ---should it be "exhaled"? as you do use the past tense in the last line. Again, I assume it is your "heart".
Or I gaze....exhales..... heart tears apart.... if you keep in the present moment at the end. the leaving and the tearing at one and the same time. *Heart* Just an idea that came to me as it seemed confusing.

The intent and meaning is very clear and the sadness is evoked. I think a little tweak with the verbs will make it more potent and NOW!

Thanks for sharing this moment and allowing me to play a little with your loving tribute. Please take what makes sense to you and leave the rest as just my POV.

My friend just had to put down her 9 year old boxer--they never found what was wrong but she couldn't watch him suffer and not eat any longer. *Sad**Heart*

Keep on expressing your vision and dream. *Starstruck* I appreciated entering into this moment.

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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