%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4227941 |
 | Hare Trigger  [ASR] A know-it-all faces off against the unknown-at-all. (a Michael Reeve wizard story)  |
| (4.0)| Hello there!  I am reviewing your story as a judge for the
Thanks for entering!  Oh, dear I did get a chuckle out of that one. I just new what that description was, having seen the creature plastered on many humorous postcards, when I lived in Wyoming. There is actually a town with the same name. Your story was a fast read, keeping the reader wondering what the mysterious sound could be and what creature was causing it. However, I did figure it out before the end.  *teagray* I like the lightheartedness of it and the off-handed exchanges made while responding to a frightened Ashlynn. Mostly, the narrative was from Michael's internal conversations, and he did fine explaining himself to the reader. Observations: "It was easily the size of a biggish cat, with a lean frame and wide-set, staring eyes." I think another word describing the size would be a better choice than "biggish." TRY: Over-sized cat, or even better, it was the size of a cat with a glandular problem. It would make the line more humorous, too. Well done flash fiction, and nice use of the fantasy prompt.  Good luck with the contest, and again, thanks for entering!  Regards, Web~Witch
|
||||||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You responded to this review 06/23/2016 @ 10:52pm EDT