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Review #4227949
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Frozen in Time  [13+]
Jhorri, an apprenticing Freezer, is given a brand new mission!
by Than Pence
Review of Frozen in Time  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

Hello there! *Smile*

I am reviewing your story as a judge for the
SURVEY
Short Shots: Official WDC Contest  (ASR)
Use the photo to inspire your creativity. Write a short story and win big prizes!
#1221635 by Writing.Com Support


Thanks for entering!


*FlagR* Poor Jhorri. It seems she couldn't get a break, even when offered her big break, a new mission, very important to her society's health and well-being.

*Moon* This was an entertaining story with creative use of the fantasy prompt, for May. A story based on the ability to store water that is clean and delivered conveniently, is a fine subject matter. The reader understands the necessity of her job and hopes she will succeed. Thus, Jhorri is a likeable character.

*Owl1* Her side-kick, however, is a trouble magnet who has not been much of a help to Jhorri. Although he thought he was being helpful when he made the very drastic move he did, near the end of the story.

*Ax* I guess you can lead a "Freezer" to water, but he should not make a conclusion based on something not yet seen in its true state.

Observations:

“Easy for you to say. You grew up on a ranch. I’m not even sure I ever saw one ‘til last year!”

“Seen.” Actually, the above line is fine as is. To correct it to "seen," it would have to be: I’m not even sure I've ever seen one ...

*MustacheR* Fine story with lots of action and some good interchanges between Jhorri and Quip. I think it could have been more tightly written, with less side tracks. But all in all, quite an entertaining story and great use of fantasy prompt.


Good luck with the contest, and again, thanks for entering! *Delight*

Regards,
Web~Witch


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