Hello, Stephen.J.H.  , and good evening. 
I found your piece on the public reviewers board. The piece was full of action, but it needs a great deal of polishing and proofreading which is why I rated your item with two and a half stars. Here's my rating and reviewing policies for your reference: "Bobbi's Rating and/or Reviewing Policy"  . My policies also include a legend explaining how I make my correction marks, so please take a look. If you have any questions about your review, please feel free to email me.
I'm going to try a few new things with your review. I rearranged my typical format and chose to place the proofreading suggestions I made for your piece in a dropnote. Since this review is posted publicly, this will prevent any spoiler leaks of your story. 
A few things I noticed as a reader:
As I said, this story is full of battle action from the era of the Crusades. There is a bond between knight and squire as they risk their lives to fight for their homeland and God. I don't know if I would call this a complete story, though it can be argued that the danger they faced was the conflict and that a resolution was indeed met.
I say this in the proofreading marks and I will say it here, too: please take the time to proofread your work when you get it written and saved. There is a spellchecker in-site and there's a spell check button, too, that you can utilize. I went through and made many grammar and spelling corrections, but I did not get every one. I will ask you to proofread this on your own with a fine-toothed comb and see if you can fix most of the errors here. Polish this story up and you will start to see some higher ratings for sure. 
The typos and grammar issues I caught were as follows:
Please Click Here for Proofreading Marks ▼
The forrrest forest The title is misspelled, and I don't think it's intentional.
The night was silent(,) the sky was clear. I point this out in blue because I understand that many authors can get away with using comma splices if the clauses are short, like this sentence. However, I do highlight them because they are often frowned upon, and even most established authors don't rely on them (unless they are really rich and famous, and often those books contain other errors, too).
the many animals that called the King[']s Wood home. Since this is a name and can be called Kings Wood, I didn't correct it in red. If you intended Kings to be possessive, you should know that you didn't put an apostrophe there.
the middle of the battered road(,)[.] it's Its ears perked up as I did divide this comma splice in red because the clauses are too long to get away with it for style. Also, the It in this sentence is possessive and needs no apostrophe—only contractions of it is require one.
tThe icy wind blew, carrying the sent scent. Typos and misspellings.
get clear from the commotion of[ ]the road. Missing space.
"My lord!" called the squire[.] "wWe cannot Needed either a period or a comma. It made more sense to me to use a period and start the next sentence as dialogue.
tThey will be on us sooner or latter later More typos and misspellings.
replied the knight(,)[.] dDespite his old body I don't think it's wrong the way it is (really unconfident about that statement), but it reads much easier with the sentences broken up like this.
"Will you have me surrender to the imposter? oOr fight another day?" Capitalization needed.
replied, with a tone of confidence[,] "I know these woods[,] my lord(,)[.] wWe can attempt Missing comma before dialogue. There also needs a comma to set off a direct address, and I broke up the comma splice.
The kight knight cut his sentence off[.] Misspellings and typos.
they have commited committed[.]" Misspellings and typos.
and show mw me why I took you under Typo.
tThey stood, two dead men walking[,] knowing(,) that this would be the last stand for them. tThey knew, Missing capitalization inserted and a comma correction needed.
no one would hear the noble deads deeds(,) Sir John of Southhampton carried out Misspellings and an unnecessary comma.
Alfie was kind harted kindhearted and loving(,)[;] John was cold and stern but they both had the same goal. I fixed the misspelling and broke up the comma splice with a semicolon since the clauses are related.
John was the first to hear the hoofs hooves of the pursuers['] horses Misspellings and missing punctuation.
He unsheafed unsheathed his sword, At this point I'm going to recommend that you take advantage of the spellcheck feature in the item's menu.
through the air. aA war horn was I'm also going to ask you at this point to check your whole piece for capitalization errors.
a joke no one but them understood, a relic from the past, from a different time. I feel like that last phrase was unnecessary. Simplicity, when you can swing it, reads smoother.
At first it was one ridder rider(,) coming down the hill. Took out the unnecessary comma.
His spear found it(')s percase purchase in jJohn(,)[.] "yYou'll ... you'll have to Punctuation and spelling errors.
Alfie ran to John, Bbut he was Look for unnecessary capitalization, too.
The rider came at Alfie(,) at full speed. Took out the unnecessary comma.
finding purchase on the rains reins of the ridder's rider's horse. Spellcheck wouldn't catch rains.
He turned the horse round(,) and went toward Unnecessary comma.
until a blade from behind relived relieved his him from the burden of Spellcheck won't catch these, either.
A lone deer came to the body of Alfie(,) and looked down at him. Unnecessary comma.
Thank you for allowing me to review your piece. I'm just another reader and writer so use or discard any of my suggestions at your personal discretion. If you make changes and would like me to reassess your piece, feel free to e-mail me. 
Keep writing and keep improving! 
—Brandi
 You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore |
|
|
Review #4228478
Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" 
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
