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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4228731
Review #4228731
Viewing a review of:
 {OT Daisy Chains }Stat 86  [E]
{OT My entry 2070913 to 2072758 ]
by Mary Ann MCPhedran
Review by eyestar~*
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*Balloonp* Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you! *Delight*


*Flowerb* I enjoyed imagining this vision of the child in the open spaces. I remember making chains and wandering over meadows.

The poem has no strict form and has some pleasing sounds and flow as I read it aloud. Alliteration with the "w" and the rhymes. I wonder if making a consistent rhyme would enhance the flow.

The past tense is effective though I notice in line 5 you used "roam" in the present tense. I think it is is stronger to have a consistent time tense. eg. like "would roam".

I really liked the expressiveness of the last two lines. I wanted to put a comma after 'Oh" just for a little pause.

A delightful memory piece that brings up my own memories. Thanks for sharing your vision.*Smile*

Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 06/26/2016 @ 8:06pm EDT
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