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Given: Jun 26, 2016 at 7:06pm
Length: 948 Characters |
836 w/o WritingML
Welcome to WDC! I am happy to do a review to celebrate you!
I enjoyed imagining this vision of the child in the open spaces. I remember making chains and wandering over meadows.
The poem has no strict form and has some pleasing sounds and flow as I read it aloud. Alliteration with the "w" and the rhymes. I wonder if making a consistent rhyme would enhance the flow.
The past tense is effective though I notice in line 5 you used "roam" in the present tense. I think it is is stronger to have a consistent time tense. eg. like "would roam".
I really liked the expressiveness of the last two lines. I wanted to put a comma after 'Oh" just for a little pause.
A delightful memory piece that brings up my own memories. Thanks for sharing your vision.
Light on the path as you write on!
eyestar
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