Hello Lindsay!

I came across this poem of yours raiding around your port. I'm a part of the Simply Positive Reviewers as well as an Angel Army member. I really liked the title of this poem and description got me interested to check it out.

Below is my review of your item beginning with Corrections:

Corrections/Suggestions
Smoke fills my lungs, soaking in the carcinogens soaked—
I exhale.-

I would play with this and turn 'soaking' into 'soaked' but this is just a suggestion.

Rhythm/Rhyming
The rhythm was a little bumpy in spots with the parts that had longer syllables (such as in the 4th-5th stanza in the second lines) and this would throw off the rhythm a little. An easy fix for this is just trimming unnecessary words so you can have the rhythm stay the same.

My Favorite Line(s)
between dry lips sucking
on an adult pacifier calling
Medusa and her ravenous pets.-

I really dig the imagery and wording with the above highlighted part.

Overall Comments
Overall, I found that you have some very strong lines and imagery in this poem that was slightly thrown off by the rhythm in certain spots. I'd just recommend going over those spots and just cutting away excess words so that it reads a little smoother. I like how you compare the smoking to a snake that constricts around your lungs and how it ends with Medusa's seductive stare. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .