Hello Norb!

Oh my, I'm getting into some 'found love, lost love' kind of poetry... I've written those poems myself. I'm raiding you because it's fun and also to represent the Simply Positive group since I'm all that and more. I do have a few things to tinker/suggest with this piece and I'll get started rolling with this.

Below is my review of your item beginning with Corrections:

Corrections/Suggestions
These are my monologues now but your dialogue-
Would play with this and tinker maybe:

My monologues are now but your dialogue-

The same with the sentence, except with this above one, the period needs to be in the quotation marks.

My Favorite Line(s)
Your moments etch in my bones.
Fragments of you shake the very skin-

I love this part, moments etching into bones, fragments shaking the very skin. Just really awesome images to imagine.

Things Which I Enjoyed
I really enjoyed the last lines of this poem where you drive home the point of this person sticking with you. They are etched in your being, shaking in your bones, wrapping it up with the request of making you well again. Also, I really dig the love songs wearing you thin again as a line.

Overall Comments
Overall, I'm sure you're used to me skipping around your port and I came across this piece poking around. There are some places, like in the first few lines, where I might trim off some words that may not be needed. But, of course, that's just me and a little suggestion of tinkering. I can relate to this poem and the words you spun to express your heart ache of this relationship lost. Thank you for sharing and keep on writing! =D



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .