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 Review #4229822 |
 The Story ~Jax is involved in a mission to defend his castle, but is short on men to help him do so. Instead of waiting for the attack, he decides it's better to go on the offensive and head into battle to gain the upper hand.   What worked ~You did well describing what was going on from the castle and when they moved down to attack the enemy from reaching them. I loved the twist at the end, which worked really well for this short story. I don't want to spoil it, so I'm not going to elaborate, but it was good way to showcase exactly what was happening. Other ~There are things you can do to enhance this story. You have the visual images down, but adding other descriptive elements would really make this piece shine. Don't forget about the other senses, especially when it comes to sounds and smells. These descriptors have a way of grabbing your readers attention and making the scene really stand out. For instance when Jax cut off the ogre's leg, you could add the metallic smell of blood permeating the battlefield from the swords and arrows that pierced the skin of the warriors. In a fight such as this one, I would imagine there were a lot of shouting, grunting, orders being barked going on all around Jax. Use these things to really drive home the point that he is fighting for his life, especially since you mention a couple of time that he may die today in battle. Drive that point home. Write on! "Game of Thrones"  by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation    
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You responded to this review 07/01/2016 @ 8:35am EDT