%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4230514 |
 Story ~A old African man is haunted by the brutal beatings of the young child that lives nearby. A very sad tale, but unfortunately all too common in this day and age.  Characters ~The little boy who endures the wrath of his father repeatedly, until he can take no more and runs away. The old neighbor who watches in misery, helpless to drown out what his eyes see and ears hear. Issues ~Some of the sentences are extremely long, and I think pivotal points get lost within them. Maybe take some of the semi-colons and make them periods to break the longer passages up so that the magnitude of what you are showing your reader really hits home. Impressions ~This was a difficult piece to read being a mother myself. I found myself wondering what the boy could have done so wrong to earn his fathers violent wrath that way. Was it is his existence alone? Did he resemble his mother? You left me with a lot of questions, never a bad thing because this short story will linger with me. I felt empathy for both the child and the neighbor. Sometimes it's so difficult to get involved in other peoples business, even if it is the right thing to do. You have good imagery and description. The scene was easy to see, the barren land desperate for a touch of water, the struggling child who endured his beating, the old man who watched from the sidelines. Nicely done. Write on! "Game of Thrones" by Gaby ~ Quiet contemplation    
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 07/13/2016 @ 3:14pm EDT