Hi Written In the Stars ! After reading "Invalid Item"  I would like to share my observations. These observations are my personal views and you are free to respond as you see fit.

General comments:

This is quite a serious topic that you chose to talk about and I think that you did do justice to the themes involved. The narrative was of a number of small vignettes detailing the main characters journey through his illness and his relationship with others. Over all I think that there was quite a lot in this story and had some difficulty trying to identify where the climax of the story was as well as some of the other points that would allow my emotion to rise and fall through the story.

Characterization:

Your story had a number of characters that popped in and out throughout the story. Given the limited number of words, I wonder whether these characters could be strengthened through either limiting the number or reducing the number of scenes. I think that the various inter-relationships that are taking place provides a wealth of opportunity to enhance the relationships between the characters. However, I did understand completely each of the characters that you did introduce and could identify with each of them quite easily. Well done.

Setting:

Your setting here were simply statements of fact and there was limited detail provided to help the reader become engaged with the story a bit more. Some of the examples I can think of is the cafeteria and the hospital. How do these places sound like, smell like, look like? I also think that limiting the number of settings could facilitate the story in a manner that will help the reader become more emotionally committed to the story.

Plot:

From my reading of this story, I understand the plot to be of a coming of age-type story where a boy comes to terms with his own sexuality and the complications that arise through being diagnosed with a critical illness. My challenge was in trying to decide whether the critical illness was the key or the coming of age. Perhaps with a review of the main climax of the story being in more focus, I will be able to decide what the most important one was.


          Finally, I would like to thank you for taking the time to create and share this item. Keep writing and I look forward to seeing more of your work.
         Please note that this review has been completed in line with "Game of Thrones" .

Cheers,


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .