*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4239322
Review #4239322
Viewing a review of:
Me And My Shadow Discover Jogging  [E]
Write a dialogue between you and your shadow. Exercising free will and speech.
by SandraLynn Team Florent!
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Howdy!

I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps! *Smile*

Overall Impression:
This is one of the best pieces I've read in a bit! I LOVE THIS!!! Thanks for sharing your talent with us mere mortals!

Plot:
A person has a conversation with their shadow as they are about to embark on a new exercise routine.

Style and Voice:
The style and voice seemed natural and appropriate for this piece.

Scene/Setting:
Jogging with one's shadow

Characters:
A person and their shadow

Dialogue:
The dialogue was natural and appropriate for this short story. By the way, it was also super funny! *Smile*

Grammar and Mechanics:
"Okay let's do this." I'm pretty sure you need a comma after "okay." "Shouldn't it be called jiggling?" I think you might benefit from ...ummm...I've forgotten the name suddenly... (I have a minor traumatic brain injury that causes trouble sometimes--sorry.) Anyway, I'm referring to those single quotation mark things you'd use inside another quote. I'd put them around "jiggling."

Suggestions:
"Oh, there's nothing between us; I know you." I don't get the part about there being nothing between them. Does the shadow mean they're connected? And if so, what does that have to do with the sweating? Maybe it's just me. lol

Favorite Part:
"Really, you're not wearing a parka? Maybe it's the angle back here, but you seem a bit broader in the beam." HAHAHAHA!!! That is SO AWESOME!!! At first I wasn't sure which was the shadow, but now I am and what a way to secure that knowledge! TOO FANTASTIC!!! "Whoa, this is jogging? Shouldn't it be called jiggling?" You're such a creative and hysterical writer! I love this piece!!! "By the way, you're a little flat-footed." Hahaha! "You never sit with me in the shade." Very creative comment!

Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing! *Notepad* *Pen*


*Snow1* *Snow2* WHITE WALKERS WIN *Snow3* *Snow4*

FORUM
Game of Thrones  (13+)
Returning in April - Prep starts March 1st
#456789 by Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

Image for GoT


GROUP
The Witch's House  (13+)
Webbie's Home for Witchy MBs and the Bank for TheWitch's Garden!
#444444 by Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH



FORUM
Simply Positive Review Forum   (E)
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
#1384147 by Simply Positive



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 07/17/2016 @ 5:22pm EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4239322