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Review #4239405
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Rated: | (4.0)
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Howdy!

I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps! *Smile*

Overall Impression:
This is a lovely story with a surprise at the end--my FAVORITE kind of story! Thanks for sharing this!

Grammar and Mechanics:
“Good morning Mrs. Morningside.” You need a period after "morning," but I see you knew that since you did it just above. *Smile* "...in front of the Morningsides place." That should be "...Morningside's place." "...no one from the neighbourhood at least." There should be a comma after "neighborhood." Also, I'm a bit confused. In America, we use a period after things like "Mrs." You do that and you use "feet" for measurements. But you spell "neighbor" and "neighborhood" and "color" like Europeans do. lol Where are you from? "Drawn by some unknown curiosity I stopped to have a look." You need a comma after "curiosity." "One the table to my left was a twelve feet long hosepipe." That should be "on" instead of "one" and "foot" instead of "feet." "...and her husband spelt in the next room." I assume that should be "slept" instead of "spelt." "The wooden body was had blackened over the age." The "was" isn't appropriate here. "...he said turning at the clock." That should be "...turning to the clock." "...spent his childhood watching it pendulum swing to and fro." Should be "...its pendulum..."

Suggestions:
"...a lazy breakfast of cheese sandwich and apple juice." I guess you can leave it, but I think "...breakfast of a cheese sandwich..." or "...breakfast of cheese sandwiches..." sounds better, myself. *Smile* "A little stroll down the market wouldn’t hurt." Again, this might not exactly be wrong, but I think "...down to the market..." or "stroll through the market..." sounds better, depending on what you actually mean. "Though they are always smiling and polite but their neighbours prefer..." I'd recommend either "though they are always smiling and polite, their neighbors..." or "they are always smiling and polite, but their neighbors..." "I rolled over my eyes at the thought..." The saying is usually, "I rolled my eyes..."

Favorite Part:
"But my cabinets were nothing more than empty boxes hanging in the wall." Wow! What a perfect description, yet I never would have thought of it! Great work! "The next moment I dropped it with a shriek. I stood staring at it for a few seconds. Then very carefully I opened it. There was an arm, starting from the elbow till the tip of manicured fingernails." Hahaha! That's awesome! But your speaker is braver than I am! I would have left right then! (And probably called the police. lol) What a lovely story. I really enjoyed this!

Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing! *Notepad* *Pen*


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