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Hello again, willy , and good afternoon!

This is my second review for the Game of Thrones battle for House Tyrell. I chose this poem because, like I mentioned in my last review, I like this style. This poem, however, read a little more vague to me, which is why I rated it with three stars. Here, again, are my policies for rating and reviewing: "Bobbi's Rating and/or Reviewing Policy" . If you have any questions or concerns about your review, please feel free to email me.


A few things I noticed as a reader:

I'm not going to pretend that I am an expert on a poetic form that I just learned about, but I did run into a couple of points in the link that I attached to the last review that I'm going to bring up here:

"A type of poem that has one syllable in the first line, two syllables in the second line, three syllables in the third line, four syllables in the fourth line, and one syllable in the fifth line that related to the first word of the poem. . .poem is based on one sentence or idea."


Looking at the first poem, "tide" and "flux" are close enough to relate as far as I'm concerned. I also felt that it tied together better as a single idea, almost like a sentence itself.

Like I mentioned, this one, "Tomorrow", is a little more vague. I really have no idea what picture to imagine—is the distant cold planet our planet? Are you describing the rotation of the Earth? No clear picture comes to mind as it did with "Tides". Also, I can't see how the first and last words are related ("Blue", "Rose"). I think for it to follow the form the last word has to be a different version of the color.

Again, I'm not an expert at Lanternes or poetry, but these are the issues I see according to what I've just learned. Feel free to ignore me if you wish. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to review your piece. I'm just another reader and writer so use or discard any of my suggestions at your personal discretion. If you make changes and would like me to reassess your piece, feel free to e-mail me. *Mail*

Keep writing and carry on! *ThumbsUpL*

—Brandi of House Tyrell *Shield5*

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