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Review #4240404
Viewing a review of:
 Lone Wolf  [18+]
The tales of an elite hitman for the International Assassination League.
by Nick Knight
         Review for entry/chapter: "Prologue " 
Review of Lone Wolf  
Review by Bobbi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*RainbowL*A Review from "Simply Positive Review Forum " !*RainbowR*

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Hello, Nick Knight , and good morning! *Sun*

I'm a soldier from the House of Tyrell, and your name popped up as one of the mighty warriors to defeat (through reviews! *Wink*). This is a good start to an interesting premise, but there are some grammar issues to address, which is why I rated this chapter with three and a half stars. Here are my rating and reviewing policies for your reference: "Bobbi's Rating and/or Reviewing Policy" . If you have any questions, feel free to email me.


A few things I noticed as a reader:

This is an interesting start for a number of reasons: it's in second person which I don't see very often, you meet an anthropomorphic wolf with lots of money and expensive taste, and you learn that he is a part of a league of assassins in which the narrator (you!) are a part of. I gandered around your port and saw that you are really into interactive stories, and this novella from the start looks to written on the same vein.

The only issue I really have with the prologue is the inconsistent tense usage:

"I'm here to see Mr. Rexx." you say. "Oh, yes." the voice replied

There's a few places like that where the tense falls back into past tense, probably out of habit. I get the feeling that the story seeks to be in the present, to have the story unfold as it is happening (because it's happening to you, after all). Just clean this up a bit and it will look good. *Wink*

One more typo: in my line of work.". "Now just take Since Rexx is still talking, the extra punctuation is unnecessary. Otherwise, this is a solid start. *Smile*

Thank you for allowing me to review your piece. I'm just another reader and writer so use or discard any of my suggestions at your personal discretion. If you make changes and would like me to reassess your piece, feel free to e-mail me. *Mail*

Keep writing and carry on! *ThumbsUpL*

—Brandi of House Tyrell *Shield5*

*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/08/2016 @ 5:40pm EDT
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