Hello DJ . How are you doing? Welcome to WDC! I'm Charlie. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. I hope this review finds you well.


Title/General Thoughts/Subject Matter: This is an interesting little overview of a boy born into the Bolbec family and the general grief that befalls him over the next ten years before he is finally let out of the house for the first time to go, well, somewhere. His parents seem to spend their entire life avoiding his existence and his grandparents die in the first 10 years of his life. I really want to know what was inside the letter and how does one know "when the time presents itself" anyway?


What Worked: This story definitely had some strong moments. It seemed the boy had a lot of problems and it was sad to see the way his parents wouldn't tell him what was going on. It tugged at the emotional heart strings to see the way there was obviously a lot more to his life that wouldn't be revealed to him, and not even being able to leave the house... I can't imagine it! This bit definitely made me want to know more about him and his family.


Technical Issues/Suggestions: There are some technical issues here with missing commas and typos. Just a couple for example:

At the age of three I tell my mother I will be a hero someday.
There should be a comment after "three" here. This happens often in the story with introductory clauses.

"It’s a miracle...." "The boy is alive" "Wasn't he supposed to be dead?"
This dialogue should all start with a new paragraph when someone else starts speaking.

I vow to no let anything get me down
"no" should be "not"

Another thing that struck me about this story is the way it skipped over the first 10 years of his life so quickly. I got the general overview of it, but I feel like there must be so much more to tell there, especially if this is the first chapter of a novel or something similar. It seems to be missing a lot of details.

Final Thoughts: Overall, I think this story succeeded in making me want to know more about the main character and his story. Still, the bit that we got seems a bit vague and I think some of those details might be important in the long run. Thanks again for sharing with us!


Best wishes,





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .