Hello Stormy . How are you doing? Welcome to WDC! I'm Charlie. Thanks for sharing your writing with us. I hope this review finds you well.


Title/General Thoughts/Subject Matter: This is a poetic retelling of the loss of innocent a girl goes through as she experiences trouble at home and begins self injuring. Unfortunately, I think parents often don't see the effect that their fighting has on their children. Kids tend to blame themselves when such things happen and they take it out on themselves as well, as is the case of the girl in this poem. I can definitely relate to the way she sees her innocence slip away, and I think a lot of people have felt that way in their youth.


What Worked: I liked the repetition of, "It started out..." in this poem. It showed the way that all of this began and how it slowly went downhill as more and more pieces of her innocence were taken away. I also like the way the poem changed from third to first person. Typically, I only like one perspective for a poem like this, especially with it being so short, but I think you really came into your own on this one and let it be shown that you were the "her" in the poem. I think it was important for you to own that.


Technical Issues/Suggestions: Some of the rhyming in this is rough. I tried to get a feel for the rhyming pattern, but I could never quite figure out what the scheme was and it definitely messed with the flow a little bit. I also felt like the ending was far too straightforward, the last line of the poem in particular. It really didn't fit in with the rest of the poem, and not just because it was much longer than the rest either. I would work on poetic devices so that the imagery of the poem brings it to life rather than telling the reader blatantly.


Final Thoughts: Overall, I thought this was an interesting poem and I liked the way you owned it by switching to first person halfway through. I do think this needs more use of poetic techniques in order to reach its full potential. Thanks again for sharing with us!


Best wishes,





My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .