Hi RavenAmor ,

A "Game of Thrones"  House Martell Review!

First impressions:

You have done a great job of turning your list of required words into an engaging poem.

Form:

Your poem is written in free verse, set out in five quatrains. Although your stanzas do not have any fixed meter, rhyme, or syllable count, I do love that you have included other poetic devices such as alliteration, consonance and assonance.

General impressions:

Your poem has a smooth flow to it. Assonance creates a soft tone, and alliteration helps to maintain the smooth flow. You also make effective use hyperbole to get your point across.

Line by line suggestions: These are included in the dropnote below. Your original work is in black, specific suggestions are in indigo, and additional notes/explanations for the change are in orange.

Line by line suggestions ▼

An ancient believe
An ancient belief
This is word confusion

Our Apocalypse beings
Our Apocalypse begins
This is word confusion. Based on the rest of the stanza, it sounds as though you do mean "begins".

Of our minds
Of our minds'
Apostrophe needed

Thank you for sharing your work with us! Write On!


Lord Andy~Sunspear of Martell




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .