Hi Eogin ,I found your writing at your request. Hopefully this review will find you in good spirit.

I dove into your story, head first and loved it. Very thrilling you actually managed to create a totally new world on another planet. Very well done, very convincing!

Chapter one:
Excellent show don't tell; easy writing style, nice plot, great character development.

Man on the verge of killing himself. Hint of crime committed. I want to read on, know more about it.

What works for me?
I take a second sip, and I hear it, behind the trees, still some road away, the howling, the battle cry of the law. They have found me, faster than I anticipated. I slam the bottle to my left, leaving it tilted, and pull the bag back up close.
I'm not going to prison! That is a faith far worse than death.

It sets the tone for this chapter!

Chapter two:
one typo: But i (is) his eyes on the mirror.

What works for me? The spider incident. Great stuff.

About a disturbed girl who wants to run away but doesn't.

Short sentences: I like that, nice style.

Two main characters (Jackson and Eleanor) try not to let them look and think a like. Try to make them more different from eachother by giving them individual characteristics in thinking patterns or expletives.

Chapter three

Lightning strikes before he can pull the trigger. Nice action.

Strange phenomenon occur. What is it? Alien surroundings & meet with girl.

Chapter three can easily be divided into two chapters. Easier to read!

Look at short and long sentences combined. It is probably better.

On another planet with a group of survivors.

Very interesting chapter. I was glued to my chair, wanting to know more.

Chapter four.
Good descriptions, good dialogues. Very believable!

Chapter 5.
One typo: and the(m) men return to the leader.

Chilling description of (mass)murder.

All in all a fascinating read and a very good first few chapters to a novel. This is my first Sfi story and it has been an excellent encounter. I wouldn't change a thing, but just keep adding those chapters. Very well done.

Keep up the good work, enjoy writing!

WakeUpAndLive