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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4242275
Review #4242275
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Starling
In affiliation with Cross Timbers Groups  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Title of Work: : A Royal Birthday (short story, contest)
Author of Work: : Moody Blue: needs an Upgrade
Date: : July 23

Plot:
A parent plans a birthday party for her five year old daughter.

Scene/Setting:
Beatrice will be five years old in three days. The party was all planned and the guest were all invited. She was going to be Queen for a day. There was a princes dress for her to wear and a small Tierra for her head. The guest, all twenty of them, had all sent back their RSVP's. The cake was made and the pizza was ordered.

On Friday, Queen Beatrice, goes to spend the day at her aunt's house. While there she ingests a large amount of talcum powder and ends up in the PICU unit of the local hospital. The birthday party is cancelled. For five days everyone waits to see if she will recover. The doctor's eventually tell the mother that there is no brain activity. The mother gives them permission to unhook life support from her only child. The story ends with how everyone went to the funeral. Beatrice was dressed in her princess outfit and wore her Tierra.

Characters:
Beatrice
Mother
Aunt
Doctors and Nurses at PICU
All of her friends.

Suggestions:
I don't like reading stories with tragic endings. If I knew it was going to end like it did, I wouldn't have read it. You might want to put in the heading that this is a "tragedy" so other readers will be warned. Over all it was a good story, very well written.

Character Count: 1,254 (tags = 173 Characters above this point)
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