Greetings, NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth!

My name is Lady Cubbyella and I am one of the sly foxes from the House of Florent.

Title: Sweetie

First Impression: This is good start and I'd love to read more! I realize you are still working on this, as you pointed out in the summary. But so far, so good. I don't know much about parrots but found this an interesting read. When you wrote that his favorite song was "Old MacDonald Had a Farm," it made me smile. It's hard to imagine they are that smart, but of course I know they are.

What needs your attention: Other than you haven't finished it, I would say perhaps that first paragraph is a bit long... maybe you could break it up? That's really the main thing that struck me. Oh, and the word noses in the second paragraph should be noises.

What part I liked best: I liked it all, but the part where you tell the reader he is scared and that's why he makes those little noises--only when he's scared--sort of got to me. Poor Sweetie! That must've been a little tough, transitioning from one family to another. But it sounds like he's in a wonderful and loving home with you and your family.

Overall impression: You must really care for your parrots to write about them. I think that's sweet. Very nice!

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

Have a great day and...
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !

Cubby ")

A "Simply Positive Review Forum "  Review


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