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Review #4246038
Viewing a review of:
 
Pillow Fight  [13+]
A life-long romance can end quickly.
by Geoff
Review of Pillow Fight  
Review by ~ Aqua ~
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
 
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A Review from "SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP" 


Hello, Geoff ! I am Aqua and the following are only my personal opinions. Ultimately, you and only you can decide what works best for your item.


I was searching for something to review from your portfolio when this caught my attention. I haven't read anything before that was related to pillow fight in all the previous years so it was a concept completely new to me and I wanted to know what kind of a story you had written on pillow fighting. Reading the title alone made me imagine kids, couple, playfully fighting with each other, hitting pillows as the cotton flies in the air, dirtying the entire room, it was a nice image. I wanted to know if the image I had in my mind was the one presented in your story or a different one.

The short description was even more intriguing as the idea I immediately got by it was perhaps that is how a relationship ended which made me feel sad. Nevertheless, there were doubts in my mind and here I am. The beginning of your work was very interesting as the reader wondered about the two people who were meeting after a long time on the occasion of a funeral, not the ideal case but not bad, it was unique. The characters you have here are very realistic and believable. The only thing I would suggest is to add their descriptions and perhaps more details to the story especially the second part where the reader realises the upper part was a story, a fictional one sh was working on. Perhaps you could make it italic to make it seem different than the rest of the story? Also more dialogues and action in the last part would really make your story strong.

==>"Oh, my darling! If I only could!
"Oh, my darling! If only I could!

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