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 Review #4246557 |
 | Bobo the Clown taught me to laugh  [13+] Read the dark tale of how I learned to laugh  |
| (5.0)| Howdy! I'm glad I found your story. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. Remember, this is just one opinion, so take what you like and leave the rest. Everything is said with love and in hopes that it helps!  Overall Impression: This is an interesting and twisted story with an unexpected ending. It's very creative and well thought out. You also did a wonderful job with proofreading! Well done. Grammar and Mechanics: None noted--great job! Suggestions: I have no idea what kind of face paint clowns will be wearing in 2408, but just for your information, if you didn't already know, these days they wear grease paint that wouldn't streak when he was crying. It's a nice touch, though. It's a great description of how he looks. Favorite Part: "If I hadn’t met Bobo the Clown, I wouldn’t have ever learned to laugh. It was the year 2408, and I had just gotten out of a three year stay at a hospital. At least I think it was a hospital. It could have been an asylum for all I know. I was drugged most of my stay there, and I honestly can’t remember what I was in there for. I just remember waking up one day, and some woman dressed in white telling me it was time for me to leave." That's an awesome introduction. I'm drawn in already! The title was great and the first paragraph is even better. "I‘m obsolete. I have no reason to live.” These sentences really struck a chord within me. I'm not sure if it's good or bad, but to me, they're powerful. "I was in the middle of reading about something called “Comedy T.V. Shows” when I came across a chapter about clowns. They would come to events, like parties and fairs (which I also had to look up in more books), and they would perform tricks to make people laugh, to make people happy." That's a really interesting concept that people don't know how to laugh and that funny things are a foreign idea. Very creative. I wouldn't have thought of something like that! Great job! “And I know what a clown is now! I want you to make me laugh! That will solve all of our problems!” Ummmm...not exactly, but that's a sweet sentiment. "Bobo fell to the ground, dead, and I began laughing and laughing and laughing." WOW! What a weird a morbid ending! Hahaha! I did NOT expect that! lol I also feel like it's an interesting commentary on the times in 2408, that someone dying is what makes him laugh. Thank you again for sharing your story! Keep writing!     WHITE WALKERS WIN  
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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