This is a slow explaining piece. The story line is good and well thought out.
I recommend watching your spelling, check your spacing, and grammatics.

Paragraph 4 a long side the parents... (along side)
Throughout this whole story you have misspelled soldier. You spelled it solider (soldier)

Paragraph 5 lower case L on The Light.

Paragraph 7 Second part of the ceremony crys (cries) Kamik .I (Check spacing with period.)

Paragraph 8 Now we are stepping down...If they had, (add comma) then Jason...
Oranges, yellows, (no apostrophes)
Place our right hands,balled (add space)

Paragraph 9 Solider (Soldier)

Paragraph 10 Consider multiple packs you make it sound like one pack when you have stated in previous parts of the story that there were multiple packs in the village.

All in all this is a good story, with good details. I could not figure out if the main character was male or female. Why does the main character not want to cry? Does the character grieve more than what they already have?
Thank you for sharing. Keep writing.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .