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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4247194
Review #4247194
Viewing a review of:
 What Happens in Heaven, Stays in Heaven  [13+]
A humorous description of Heaven for a dying sister.
by Sara
Review by Cadie Laine
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
This review is a part of Game of Thrones. I hope it helps you more than it hinders.

This story was lighthearted but did not make me laugh out loud. I like the idea of giving the reader the option to input their own ideas in and asking them what they see.
I especially grinned at the Catholic having more paperwork and waiting on purgatory. It fits. The sarcasm was not over the top.

There is one place I had a problem with, and it is not where you might think. In paragraph 5, you discuss BUT as a conjunctive, that part to me does not enhance the story. In my opinion, it brings the story to a dead stop. Once you get past that you have remember where you were and what was going on.

The beginning, I'm not sure what to about the first sentence. Is that the prompt you used? It doesn't flow exactly with the rest of the story. My recommendation is you either take it out, put more explanation in, or mark it as the prompt for the story.
Overall good piece. Thank you for sharing and Keep writing.
House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.

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