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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4247327
Review #4247327
Viewing a review of:
 Voice of Worms  [E]
mental illness,treatment , betrayal , social pressure
by vladsgirl
Review of Voice of Worms  
Review by Kit
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi vladsgirl ,

This review is a part of "Game of Thrones [13+]. *Smile*

Overall Impression:

This is a sad, touching poem, dear author. Unfortunately, I think that many readers will be able to recognise those worms. I know that I can.

The poem tells the tale of a mother who was once a strong woman. Love blinds her to her partner's flaws, which is something that is all too common. He poisons her with "worms" - thoughts and ideas about herself and their relationship that she comes to believe. They are destructive thoughts and ideas. They turn her into a shell of herself, despite the best efforts of her daughter. A daughter who, thankfully, has learned to never swallow the worms.

This is a lengthy poem, yet it reads well. I had no trouble following it. It has a pleasant rhythm and flow, and I like that you used punctuation, as this helps guide the reader. You have done a great job.

Suggestions:

I do have some suggestions, dear author. I hope that you'll find them helpful!

*Snow2* I suggest allowing the capitalisation at the beginning of each line to depend upon the individual sentences within the piece. This would assist the overall clarity and reading experience.

*Snow2* I also suggest having a look at your spacing. There are missing spaces, or spaces where they don't need to be, especially in the dialogue parts. Tidying these up would perfect the overall clarity and reading experience.

My Rating:

This is a powerful poem. Thank you for sharing it.

I did have a couple of suggestions. I will give this item a rating of 4.5 out of 5.

Thank you for sharing your work, and write on!

Kit

House Greyjoy image for G.o.T.


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