I'm not going to get too involved with the details of the plot that you've presented here. Suffice it to say that you've clearly put a lot of thought and effort into this tale; it's stunningly imagined and well presented.

Unfortunately, it's kind of unreadable, and I'd say with near certainty, unpublishable. At least in its current incarnation. I don't know how you envision this in its final form, but currently, one need look no further than the visual format, that virtually impenetrable wall of words, to know that, whatever story you have in mind, you're not telling it. You're telling us about it, which is a quite different thing.

It's all exposition. Were it a movie, the entire thing would be offered through a voiceover. There is not one line of dialogue, not one description of action taking place in the immediate present. And so, whatever the events under discussion, there exists a narrative buffer between them and the reader that will prevent any of it from packing the kind of emotional punch that you want from a story like this.

The truth is, you have volumes of material here, all summarized and distilled into a bland synopsis that never comes alive. You have come up with an incredible variety of events here; let us see them unfold. Let us get to know your characters, not through your narration, but through their words and deeds acted out in real time.

A story like this deserved to be told. So tell it.