Hi Marci Missing Everyone ,

This is a very detailed poem about when depression strikes.

To me, the first three verses looked like a summary of the rest. The explanation begun from this line,
A young, innocent, and naïve mind
became ravaged by depression that night

In the first three verses, the persona portrays depression as a journey and a battle too.

I felt like the tone indicated war--the persona fighting for his mental health. I liked that. It's a real struggle to find peace.

I saw repetition of these words: night, battle, mind, far, place. I know you ha to rhyme because of the form you used. My suggestion is that you could try using other rhyming words. But that's my subjective thought. You don't have to follow it if it doesn't fit your poem.

I like the way you followed the prompt. Write on!



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