*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4252167
Review #4252167
Viewing a review of: {citem:}
Review of  
Review by A Non-Existent User
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Paul,

I hope my comments will be of help.

I enjoyed this story a lot! Well done.

I felt like Palo's personality drove this story. You carved him out so well. Great job.

My other suggestions are in pink.
He found some baby mice one day and told the men he worked with,(comma here) that the cat would take care of them,

I also noticed that many paragraphs began the same way, beginning with the name Palo. You could replace the name with "He"

I enjoyed the very smooth flow of the story. It was clear and eas to read and understand and enjoy. Wish you success in the contest. Hope you take the first place *Hug*.

Write on, my friend!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/21/2016 @ 7:44am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4252167