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Review #4252316
Viewing a review of:
 
Automat  [E]
A variation on a Quartina poem
by WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024
Review of Automat  
Review by Bobbi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


Hello, WakeUpAndLive️~🚬🚭2024 , and good evening. *Moon*

Congrats again on being showcased in the Newbie Academy Group! *Delight* To celebrate, I'll wander around a bit in your port leaving thoughts here and there. Some of these reviews will be affiliated with Simply Positive (another awesome group, as you may know) and some with NAG (nag... *Laugh* that will never stop being funny).

This is a solid poem with vivid and clear visuals and tone, which is why I'm rating this poem with four and a half stars. Here is my personal rating and reviewing policy for your reference: "Bobbi's Rating and/or Reviewing Policy" . If you have any questions regarding your rate and review, please feel free to email me.


A few things I noticed as a reader:

One thing that I love to review (and if I say it enough, I might start a reputation for it *Pthb*) is different forms of poetry. It gives me a chance to do research and learn something new, and I prefer reading and writing poetry in a form—it gives me a focus and a grounding that free form doesn't provide.

So, in this review we are working with a form called Quartina. For the uninitiated out in public-review land, here is the link that I referenced when reading this poem: Quartina Poetry  . Most of your rhyming is pretty solid, though your number three lines (off, love, glove, though) start to wander into almost-rhyming territory, which is not a terrible sin. It happens from time to time.

What's more important to me is the visual impact of the poem—are we seeing what the narrator is seeing? I read the note earlier about the painting that this poem is based on before I read the poem itself, and then came back and read the poem, forgetting about the note, and was into stanza two when I remembered the note and realized that the visual aspect was spot on. I decided to scroll down a little and read the rest without seeing the cover (which is the painting) and the quality of that visual didn't waver, so kudos there. *Thumbsup*

"One glove on still, the other off
Orange hat glowing in the dark"

This was the most dynamic visual in both the painting and the poem (the lights in the automat were leading to her direction and of that of the bright hat) so I'm glad that you mirrored that in the poem.

All and all, your technicals are consistent (capitalization, punctuation, correct spelling) and generally free of typos, so I have nothing to correct there. Double kudos. *Thumbsupl* *Thumbsupl*

Thank you for allowing me to review your piece. I'm just another reader and writer so use or discard any of my suggestions at your personal discretion. If you make any changes and would like me to reassess your piece, feel free to e-mail me. *Mail*

Keep writing and keep improving! *Fox*

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/22/2016 @ 12:00am EDT
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