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Review #4252368
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Review by Tiggy
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Hello Inkslinger,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


You made good use of the image prompt; I could imagine the narrator and the boy clearly in the cave near the pool of water. At first I thought they were already there at the beginning of the story, but then I realised that they had to travel to get there, and when they did, the location became clear.

Both the narrator and the other character were very engaging and their story, albeit short, was intriguing. I found myself wishing that this was part of a longer story and I would get to find out more about their world and their people, but what you told the readers about them here was sufficient for this tale. The conflict turned out to be something different to what the narrator (and the readers) thought it was, and the character that looked like the antagonist at first turned out to be something different. What exactly he was, I’m not sure if I figured that out. There were some hints as to his identity, and especially the last paragraph looked like it was an explanation for the rest of the story, but it seemed a little rushed, almost like an afterthought. I think there is some scope there to expand on the details of the story and make the ending a little clearer. It would help the readers understand the characters and their interaction a bit better.

The story rose towards a definite climax, and when the stalker got hold of the dagger and dragged the narrator to the lake, I thought that was the end of her. His intentions weren’t clear – one moment he seemed nice, then he attack to obtain the blade. I wasn’t sure if he was friend or foe at that point, which wasn’t a bad thing, on the contrary; it made the story interesting. The dialogue sounded natural and especially the boy’s emotions came across very well.

I loved the descriptions; there were some real gems, like the first paragraph which gave the readers a good sense of the narrator’s situation and made it easy to imagine the scene. The story was quite polished and I only have a couple small points to note.

and I realized in horror. “You’re the Stalker!”
The first sentence seemed incomplete. I think it might work better if you omitted the direct speech, like, “and I realized in horror that he was the stalker.”

“What do you mean mend?”
I think there might be a comma missing after “mean.”

Overall, I thought this was a unique tale and there were quite a few intriguing hints about the backstory that made me want to read more.



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