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Review #4252378
Viewing a review of:
 The Cave  [13+]
Haunted by memories, she returns for the last time. Short Shots
by Purple Princess
Review of The Cave  
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Purple Princess,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


This story wasn’t just inspired by the prompt; you took the reader right into the image with the narrator and let them explore it along with her. The tale started so innocently, making the cave appear like a beautiful, peaceful place when in the end, the opposite was true. To say that the main character was interesting would be an understatement. The way you described her and hinted at the circumstances that brought her to the cave was fascinating and made me want to read more. What had she done and how did it have this effect? I wasn’t entirely sure as to the answers at the end – you said what she had done, but I didn’t get why or how it had resulted in him being in the lake. She insisted that she didn’t mean to do it; he was convinced that she did and that’s why he took revenge. The rest was a little vague. That’s not necessarily a bad thing; it made me wonder about the details of this story and left me with a few things to think about.

The conflict was quite clear, although again I wasn’t entirely sure what compelled her to put herself in that situation to begin with. Guilt? Some kind of magic power? It doesn’t really matter, it was intriguing. I liked how you let the tension build up, giving the readers a bit more information as the story developed and letting the action rise to a definite climax. There was hardly any dialogue and the few sentences the characters did say were probably more in her head than said out loud, but they worked well to explain a little about the second character. He wasn’t just teasing her, it wasn’t a game; he actually wanted to take revenge. Until that point when he spoke, I wasn’t sure about his intentions, but those few words made it clear.

The descriptions gave a good sense of the setting and the atmosphere and it was easy to imagine the scene and the characters in it. You showed the readers this story and it flowed beautifully. Technically, it seemed flawless, although I have one question regarding the tense you used. It makes sense that the story was written in present tense, considering the ending, but you started with a couple of sentences in past tense. It made me wonder if you briefly referred to the time before, but later on when you referred to the past, you seemed to stay in present tense so I wasn’t sure if that was an error.

Overall, this was a very unique story and a great read!



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