*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4252380
Review #4252380
Viewing a review of:
 
Roseberg, Then and Now  [13+]
250 years divided her timeline, there is nothing in common
by Cheri Annemos
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello Cheri Annemos,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


Nice use of the image prompt. It wasn’t just a cave or a lake, or another world, but another time. No wonder that the main character was confused by it all. It didn’t help that it seemed she had another life in this time where she ended up, and people knew her although she didn’t know them. You made it easy to imagine the scene by describing the image quite well, and I could picture her being stuck in it. The main character was interesting; she knew who she was, and where and when she was, so her confusion and reluctance to accept what was going on made perfect sense. There was also a hint of two characters, or perhaps a split personality, when you referred to her as Kate in the narrative and the strange man she didn’t recognise as ‘father’ – almost as if she was slipping into that other character and becoming her, until she decided to run again.

The plot was interesting and presented the character with plenty of conflict. While the story had an unfinished feel, because it seemed once she fell through another hole, she would find another world or time rather than go back to her own, it was just a scene of one different time she found so it really was complete as it was. The dialogue worked well to show the characters’ emotions, although there wasn’t much of it, but you used it well. The descriptions conveyed a sense of the era and the atmosphere, and I had a good image of this poisonous future where people had to wear masks and medical suits to survive in an environment that seemed all but uninhabitable – a stark contrast to the 1858 Oregon the character left behind.

I only spotted one error which was so minor that it’s hardly worth mentioning, in this line

This Roseberg.

where it seems you missed a word, “This is Roseberg.” It’s a nice line, by the way, it shows clearly that she was in the same place, just at a different time. I wonder in what time period she is going to find herself next, and if there will be any humans left if she goes any further into the future.

And interesting story that made me think about the possibilities. Nice work!



A Simply Positive reviewing sig.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 08/22/2016 @ 8:37am EDT
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4252380