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Review #4252383
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Review by Tiggy
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Rated: | (5.0)
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Hello Hannah ♫♥♫,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


That was a beautiful take on the prompt. I could clearly imagine the scene that was inspired by it, although you made it sound a lot more glamorous than it looked in the picture! The characters worked well together. The way the young elf kept interrupting and asking questions was endearing; it showed his age in comparison to the other characters, and his enthusiasm for the old story. In contrast, his grandfather told the story calmly and slowly, something that clearly irritated the young lad who wanted to skip to the important part a lot quicker. To me, this worked very well to show the different personalities, or the age of thee two.

The plot was intriguing, and I liked the way you structured this tale, starting with the young elf returning to his people with urgent news, and then the grandfather telling his story from years ago. At first I thought there was a slight inconsistency; at the beginning, Gavalien was running along thinking to himself, “I must reach the elders in time.” Later on, it seemed that there was no urgency at all as the older man told his story, but just as I was beginning to wonder about that, he interrupted himself to note that he had to act rather than finish the tale. This meant that his story wasn’t actually really complete, but it worked to stop it where it was.

The dialogue was excellent and, like I said, it conveyed character and of course, advanced the plot as most of it was told in the grandfather’s story. I loved the descriptions, they made it easy to imagine the scene and the atmosphere both in the main story and in the grandfather’s tale. Especially the description of the 'High Queen of the Elves' stood out to me, but there were lots of other interesting details as well, for example the meticulous description of how he lit a torch and what he could see.

I did notice a few minor errors:

It was by chance alone
I think that was perhaps meant to say, “I was...” although I wasn’t sure – a couple sentence earlier he said that he was on his first solo quest, so wouldn’t he have been alone anyway?

It made for a fine torch, however, it only lit
I think the first comma was meant to be a semi-colon.

how close I'd come t drowning
“to.”

approaches our lake. "I will just say
As the speech continues after the period, there shouldn’t be any speech marks.

Like I said, just some tiny errors that didn’t distract from reading. Overall, an excellent story and a very good read!



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