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Review #4252384
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by A Guest Visitor
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)


Hello MontyB,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


As much as I enjoyed reading this story, I struggled to see the connection to the image prompt of the contest. I read it a couple of times just to make sure, but the cave or the lake didn’t seem to feature. It was a shame because I enjoyed this story a lot, but it didn’t seem to be written for this contest.

The characters, especially the narrator, were nicely drawn. You showed her challenges, at times almost a little too much as she was torn between her loyalties and emotions and kept changing her mind what she should be doing. There’s nothing wrong with that, it made it easy to relate to her and I suppose it showed her human side. The characters were quite unique – I had never read a story about a human who could morph into a dragon before and I found the concept fascinating. There was certainly enough conflict for her, but I struggled a bit with the structure of the story. While I thought it was well done how you weaved the backgstory about Drakeon and the snatched children into the story, I wasn’t so sure about the way you introduced Christopher. The first time you mentioned him, it was like the readers should have known who he was since you used his name. I actually scrolled back to see if I had missed an earlier mention, but I hadn’t. You then went on to tell the readers about his backstory with the narrator, but his sudden appearance had already pulled me out of the story to try and figure out who he was.

The dialogue was good and especially the main character’s confusion came across well. Christopher’s character, again, was confusing then his words and actions didn’t always seem to match, but I’m assuming that this was because he, too, was conflicted about the path he had chosen. I liked the descriptions – there were a few exceptional passages, for example the way you described the fight between Kalen and Drakeon and Kalen’s streamlined movements reminiscent of a dragon in flight, but all the battle scenes were very well done. I was a bit confused about the ending and Kalen’s sudden coldness to which the narrator first responded with tears and then a smile when he offered her his hand.

Overall, I think you have a good start here which, with a bit of work, will no doubt be a great story because it is very unique. Although I didn’t see the connection to the prompt, I did enjoy the read.



A Simply Positive reviewing sig.


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