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Review #4252388
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by A Guest Visitor
Review of Indigo  
Review by Tiggy
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hello ~Lifelessons~,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


I enjoyed the way you related this story to the image prompt; it was easy to see how the tale was inspired by it and the atmosphere in the cave came across quite well. The main character was quite distinctive and she had a unique backstory that she didn’t even know. You revealed her personality in the opening paragraphs, and the readers would have picked up on the hints that she didn’t belong where she was and would somehow need to figure out where she came from, which she managed at the end. I did feel that some of the details at the beginning weren’t really necessary, like her height and weight, or if you wanted to describe her in that much detail, perhaps it would have worked better to weave it into the narrative rather than listing her features. The other character, the mysterious man she met, was a little more vague but it worked well to keep the readers interested since they didn’t know if he was as friendly as he seemed or if there was something more sinister happening.

The main character’s conflict was easy for the readers to relate too even if her particular situation was of course not familiar, but you described her emotions quite well. The story progressed at a steady pace, but I felt that there was quite a bit of narrative at the beginning where you were telling the readers all about the main character’s life instead of showing it through dialogue. The first few paragraphs read a little like a list of things she had done and obstacles she had encountered. Perhaps it would have worked to keep the introduction shorter and move on to the main part of the story sooner, because I felt that the plot really picked up at the point when she met the man.

I liked the descriptions, especially at the end when the main character felt she had come home and her emotions and the tone of the story changed. There were quite a few errors I found a bit distracting as I was reading, mainly tense changes where you switched from past tense to present tense and back again. There were also a few other issues:

this man knew something so personnel
That was meant to say, “personal.”

Something only she was aware of still questioned.
I wasn’t sure what you meant there of if the sentence perhaps wasn’t complete.

I feel that way, but”
If she was letting the sentence trail off, there should be ellipses at the end to show this.

He quietly left leaving a smile on his face.
“with a smile on his face,” perhaps? That way you would eliminate the repetition of ‘left/leaving’ and it seemed to make more sense.

Overall, I think you have a good start here and a story that is worth polishing – the idea was quite unique, and I enjoyed the read.



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